Callan…Coffee…Contemplation for the Week of March 30th
Regrets? I’ve Had a Few
Now standing mid-point between youth and older age, I find my gaze equally inward, backward, and forward. And with greater perspective I am reminded that, in the end, I’ll more deeply regret those things I didn’t do than the mistakes I made. Most of the mistakes I’ve made, seen in retrospect, are now like dear friends; they taught me lessons I needed to learn as a man and as a leader. Didn’t want those lessons; but I needed them. Yet when I think of past opportunities I failed to grasp, out of fear, I see those with a deeper sense of regret. Risks, I think, are simply masks to unexpected opportunities and unimagined experiences. Risk is just a sense we are on unfamiliar terrain. Risk feels dangerous because it presents to us a very steep learning curve. But think of it; have you ever felt more alive or more motivated than when you were on a steep learning curve? Steep is good; it is the vitality of living and leading we should seek. The worst thing that can happen to a leader is to die inside at age 35, yet live to be 85.
Inner Compass
All great leaders develop an inner compass, but it takes time. Early in life, often until middle age, we gauge our worth and our value via external comparison. We measure ourselves against the Joneses; am I better than Joe? Am I smarter than John? Is my salary larger than Bill’s? As long as we remain other focused, we’ll remain mostly ineffective as leaders. Why? Because great leadership is built on self leadership. We simply cannot effectively resonate with others until we have mastered ourselves. A rich inner life, founded on inner authority, must come before influence of others. If we focus on self mastery, we become the masters of our own destiny. If we fail self mastery, then we hand our destiny to others. An inner compass is a personal code of conduct, bearing, and behavior. Armed with this inner compass, one will find a corresponding increase in positive influence with others. Life is never as good or bad as it seems; nor are we. But we should do everything we can, with regard to self mastery, to be the navigator of our own ship.
The Wrong Path
Much is written about the role of failure in leadership. I often reflect on failure as a truthful, though generally unwanted, element to growth. It is impossible to find any past great leader who wasn’t a failure at times. This observation teaches us that failure is a precursor to greater success. We must endure the crucible to burn away the limiting elements of our lesser self to then enable the emergence of our better self. In this way, failures are signposts on our journey. Failures avail to us, often with searing discomfort, exactly when we are on the wrong path. And once we realize we’re on the wrong path, the next step is to determine why. This takes honest self reflection. Why is the most important knowledge in getting us off the wrong path and onto a new path. In my life, my biggest breakthroughs came when I felt most stuck and most frustrated, because it was during these wasteland experiences that I was forced to look inward, and then to think differently. We must first think outside the box before we can live outside the box and grow.
A Toast to Camaraderie
My life has been enriched by camaraderie. The lads from my childhood neighborhood; sports teammates from the gridirons and hard courts; the soulful bonds of always faithful Marines. Each of these experiences where made special, were in fact peak experiences, because of bone-deep feelings of companionship. Camaraderie is a magical elixir, an extremely rare and precious commodity, which separates great from good, and elevates groups from average to champions. Camaraderie is not bestowed; it is earned, it is shared, and it is felt as a by-product of common purpose, deep meaning, and group sacrifice. These reminiscences remind me, and reconfirm to me, two key truths. First, camaraderie must be cultivated by intentional leaders. It won’t happen by chance. Second, camaraderie is an expression of the inner quality of the group. Camaraderie reveals we are only as good as the company we make, and the company we keep. Great companions make individuals better, and those better individuals make the group excel. So here’s a toast to camaraderie!
Climbing the Ladder
A common phrase describing career growth is “climbing the corporate ladder.” As a metaphor this works fine if one believes leadership growth is rung-by-rung. I don’t. Here’s why. First, leadership growth does not fit well into a lineal, rung-by-rung construct. Leadership growth is far more organic and circular; more like a labyrinth. Second, “Am I climbing the ladder?” is not a valid question for leaders to ask. Better questions to ask are: Why am I climbing and where am I heading? The only climb a leader should undertake is towards self mastery, self-discipline, and personal accountability. And the place where leaders should be moving is towards wisdom, significance, and succession. Ultimately, great leaders come to realize and embrace this truth: It is far better to be at the bottom of a labyrinth you need, than to be at the top of a ladder you don’t. The leadership labyrinth makes you, the corporate ladder breaks you.
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