Callan…Coffee…Contemplation for the Week of August 4th
The Power of Personal Example
Today’s reflection is short, but very important. Let’s reflect on personal example and being a model of excellence in our behavior, actions, and character. Contemplate this quote:
“Speak the language of leadership wherever you go, even use words, if absolutely necessary.”
A Confronted Life
An unfortunate but predictable problem for leaders is this: As one climbs higher-and-higher up the career ladder, one will become increasingly removed from ground truth and become more distant from close associates willing (and able) to tell the emperor he is not wearing any clothes. Senior leaders (“the boss”) can get to a point where they live a totally un-confronted life. They reach a point of seniority in which they no longer have a group of trusted, courageous companions willing to confront them, especially in areas of behavior where the boss most needs to be challenged. Sometimes this vacuum of confrontation happens insidiously; sometimes, and more worrisome, this vacuum is purposely created by bosses who themselves lack the wisdom, self regulation, and courage to receive honest feedback. The more senior the leader (General, CEO, President, etc.), the more that person needs people who can challenge and confront them. If we live an un-confronted life, like the mythic emperor with no clothing, we end up in a private fantasy, destroying ourselves and those around us.
Emerging and Merging
One of the transitions all leaders need to seek in themselves, and facilitate in their teams, is the movement from emerging to merging. Think about this fact of leadership development. In the first half of life our focus is on accumulating things: successes, victories, medals, rank, titles, certifications, badges, etc. While we are in this first stage we are trying to separate and distinguish ourselves—to stand out from the pack. We are emerging. However, as we get to mid-life, we need to navigate a vital conversion if we want to mature as leaders. We must shift from emerging to merging. Internally, we merge by becoming integrated, authentic leaders who resonate self mastery, self-awareness, and self-regulation. In terms of the groups we lead, we merge by creating a sense of community in our workplaces and by fostering deep companionship and camaraderie amongst our people. Those who navigate this change from emerging to merging become champions. Those who don’t, become bitter, toxic, and totally forgettable leaders.
Unfinished Symphonies
A fundamental truth about leadership is, we never truly gain full and complete mastery. Like Odysseus’ constant movement towards Ithaca, leaders too are essentially always on the path towards home, which is self mastery. But even as we get closer and closer to our goal, there will be times when we have to move back outwards, and inwards, to grow and climb again. Essentially, our goal may be self mastery, but we never fully get there. Yet in this endless pursuit is nobility and virtue; the journey towards heroic leadership is both necessary and our destiny. Seen this way, we must accept that in leadership, “all symphonies remain unfinished” (Karl Rahner). Why is this important for all leaders to accept? Because we need to learn to live with the tension of unfinished work and unanswered questions. Great leaders learn to hold tension; to live betwixt searching and not yet knowing, and regulate their behavior, postpone instant gratification, and allow the crucible of experience to teach them. Great leaders learn to carry tension, and thrive in spite of unfinished work.
Boundaries Are Good Mentors
One of the most essential things we can do to help mold and guide youth is to provide healthy boundaries. Today, possibly more than any other point in modern history, youth are bombarded with messages of narcissism, entitlement, celebrity, and a hedonistic worship of the self. In traditional societies throughout history, is was the role of wise elders to provide healthy boundaries for youth; to provide necessary limits, conditions, expectations, and guideposts that, over time, would move young people from their private worlds into the realm of mature, responsible adulthood. What these wise elders knew then, and what we must rediscover now, is that boundaries are good mentors. Entitlement, on the other hand, is a bad mentor; it makes us weak, brittle, and highly offended people. Boundaries teach us there are necessary limits and that these limits point us towards the center of the circle (wisdom and maturity), rather than the circumference (narcissism and selfishness). We need wise elders—heroic leaders—to set healthy boundaries to help guide the ascent of the emerging generation.
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